Rancho Bernardo Community Presbyterian Church

We have been talking for weeks about transforming our world. A major theme has been that we are transformed personally so that we can help change the world. We have talked about changing and about surrender, about becoming servants and about discovering our passion and using it in the world. There is a very real question hanging in the air over all of this. How? How do I change or become a servant? How do I hear God clearly enough to know that He wants me to go on a missions trip? How do I do all the things we have been talking about?

Today I want to give the beginning of the answer to that question, “How?” Let me start with a question. I am going to use the basic Christian character trait of kindness as an example for our lesson on how to be transformed. How many of you would say that a sermon, encouraging people to be kind, could be considered successful if most of the people who heard it tried to be kinder the next week? How many of you would say that people trying to be kinder would not be a sign of success? How many are undecided?

I think the nos and undecideds are correct. Here’s why I say that. Preachers have been preaching sermons on being kinder and better servants and faithful husbands and wives and moral church goers and honest, sober, students and employees for centuries and statistics would say that there is almost no difference in the lifestyles of Christians and the rest of the world. You only have to have gotten into a little conflict in church, just scratch the surface to see how easily many of us can revert back to gossiping, backbiting, grudge holding normal people. Trying isn’t working.

So, how do we be kind if not by trying? Ah, finally the right question. How do we change if not by just trying harder? A piece of wood is going to help answer that question.

First, let’s listen to a text that is kind of boot camp for the church. Paul wrote to the Christians in the city of Colossi and told them how to be the church. Col. 3:12-17 is a power packed guide for all of us.

Col. 3:12-17. As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. ¹³Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord^* has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ^* dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.^{* 17}And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

That’s a mouthful. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. What do we do so that we are more compassionate a year from now than we are today or more kind, humble, meek or patient?

Back to the wood. Let’s let this piece of wood represent a person like any of us who wants to change and become kinder. We can represent that by changing the color of the board. There are two ways to do that. First, by painting it. Painting changes what it looks like completely. But, is the wood now white? No. In fact, if the paint chips off, the natural wood shows right through, unchanged. Unchanged is the active word.

The second way to change the color of this wood is to stain it. When you apply the stain, it soaks into the wood. It interacts with the wood’s natural beauty and its grain. It changes the wood and the wood takes on the characteristics of the stain.

Jesus called the religious leaders of his day, painted tombs, clean on the inside and full of dead men’s bones on the inside. Their faith didn’t change them into better people. It only coated them on the outside.

Trying to be kinder would be like painting the wood. Being stained with kindness means becoming the kind of person who naturally responds kindly. When hard times come, when tension mounts, when church wars break out, all of us respond out of who we are, out of our nature. And that will be either what is under the paint or what has interacted with the stain. This is one of the reasons we can be so shocked at the hurtful behavior of seemingly angelic people, or even shocked at our own reactions. The church has been great at painting, not so good at staining.

The good news is, all of kingdom stain is good. Any amount is better than paint. A tennis example may help. I was talking to a friend who happened to be an expert tennis play. I said I was interested in getting in shape and she invited me to play a set of tennis with her and see if I might like it as exercise. I met her at her tennis club. Other players were there, some families. There may have even been some little kids sitting on the ground rolling a tennis ball back and forth. They were having fun. I was having fun. My friend was having fun. It didn’t matter that they were just rolling a ball back and forth or that I was a novice. We were all enjoying ourselves. Living God’s life, what Jesus calls, the kingdom of heaven is like that. It’s good at all proficiency levels. I was surprised at my early adeptness as a tennis player. In fact, after a few minutes, I was amazed at how good I was. My mistake was in voicing that opinion. I didn’t so much see her next serve as feel its breeze as it screamed past my left cheek. What I had earlier thought had been fabulous serves on my part, I suddenly saw for what they really were, perfect set ups for her stunning returns to exactly where I was not.

I had been happy with my performance, blissfully unaware of my woefully amateurish ability and I was actually enjoying myself. It hadn’t mattered a bit to my friend that I was actually terrible, but neither did she want to leave me with a false understanding of my ability. In that one court there was she the expert, me the novice and those kids the beginners.

The kingdom of heaven is like tennis. While it is available and fun to the youngest like those children, and to the inexperienced like me, it is also deep enough to always stretch and grow those like my friend who take it seriously and invest themselves in it with their whole hearts.

Let’s go back to our first point about trying to be kind and apply it to tennis. If I had wanted to become a better tennis player, would my best strategy have been trying really hard to be a better player? Of course not. It’s obvious with sports. To improve, you perform exercises and techniques along with practicing specific elements of your sport, that, over time, causes you to be better at your sport. With tennis, you might practice specific elements like topspin, slice, and serve and volley. But, there would also be some exercises totally unrelated to tennis like stair climbing and running. Then there is skill development through reading tennis magazines or watching matches on T.V.. You might even join a tennis club and watch other members play in tournaments. None of that would actually be playing tennis, but all of it would be helping you become a better tennis player. It’s training not trying.

We get it with sports but not with kindness or any of the other elements of being a disciple of Jesus. And since we don’t get it, many of us are caught in a confusing and discouraging cycle. We know in our hearts we should be living out our faith but we can’t seem to be consistent. Then the preacher tells us we should do this or that and we feel guilty so we try harder and our results are hit or miss. Guilt cannot sustain a long term change so we stop or more likely, forget to try. Maybe we are bad or lazy or not committed enough but maybe many of us just don’t know how to train spiritually and we can’t do what we don’t know.

What is obvious for tennis can become clear for kindness and other Christian characteristics if we pay closer attention to what we already know instinctively. There are three kinds of exercises that help a person become a better tennis player. The same three can be applied to becoming a kind person, or a compassionate or patient one.

First, there are general improvement exercises. Like shuttle sprints or high knee running for tennis, 2-3 times a week.

Let’s look at kindness. According to Wikipedia, kindness is the state of being marked by charitable behavior, pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others. With that in mind, here are general improvement exercises to improve our kindness.

1. Each day, let three other people go first. This could be in traffic, in a grocery store, getting into an elevator or going through a door or telling stories at a meal. At least three times a day, use the words or gesture of “you go first.” This will work on your charitable behavior and strengthen your pleasantness muscles.
2. Each time you let someone else go first, ask yourself the question, “What is one positive thing this person needs?” Whatever word comes to mind, pray silently, Lord, let this person find that one thing today. This will work on your concern for others.
3. Whatever that one thing was that came to your mind, ask yourself, how can I help someone I care about find that same thing? This will work on your tenderness.

Here is what that looked like in my life this week. On the way to church, two lanes blended into one. I was neck and neck with the person next to me. I waved them on in a “you first” gesture. As they pulled in front of me, I thought, what does that person need today? The word came to me, “Respect.” I prayed, Lord, let that person receive the respect they need from those they love and work with. Then I asked myself, “How I can help my daughters be respected?” I can listen to them this evening when I get home.

Please note that even though someone might say how kind you were to let them go first, kindness isn’t your primary motivation. You are exercising according to your kindness training plan.

The second kind of exercises are specific to what you are training for, like improving racket head speed for tennis.

Here are kindness specific exercises.

1. Compliment three people a day. If possible, compliment the same person twice without them beginning to think you are weird. If they say something like “OK, what do you want?” you know you have gone too far and “hit the ball out of bounds.” This will give you practice focusing positive attention on another person for the purpose of being kind to them.
2. At church, compliment as many people as you can without anyone becoming aware of it. Obviously, they will know you have complimented them but you don’t want them to say, “Are you practicing on me?” But, even if they do catch on, admit it and ask how you are doing.

The third kind of exercise is study, improving your knowledge and filling your mind with thoughts that enhance your ability. For tennis, the training program had this to say, “Becoming fitter will certainly help your tennis, however, good advice from a qualified coach, or simply watching professionals play, will help improve both your tactical ability and skills for the game.

Here are study exercises for kindness.

1. Read 1 Corinthians 13 four times a week for several weeks.
2. Memorize either 1 Corinthians 13 or Colossians 3:1-17.
3. Read or listen to the biography of a kind person. Watch Mr. Holland’s Opus.

We have given you an insert with these exercises on them and you can also write your own. Choose a characteristic and begin working, not on painting it on but on letting it stain you, change you until you become it, and are able to do naturally what you couldn’t have done by trying hard.

Now, there is one last piece we have to end on. This transformation is not going to happen without a definite choice, even surrender on your part. Just take a moment to reflect on yourself. Are you significantly more any of these things than you were a year ago? If the answer is yes, I am willing to bet you made a change in your life that led to that improvement. But, for most of us the answer is no. Transformation doesn’t just happen.

I played tennis with my expert friend once. She offered to coach me. I wasn’t interested. Today, eight years later, I’m not only no better at tennis, I’m probably worse. But, in the kingdom of heaven, whether you are an expert, a novice or just at the rolling the ball back and forth stage, it’s all better than nothing at all. If you only let one more person go first this week, it’s better than one less last week.

Back to choice and surrender. So far, except for reading and memorizing the Bible, this could all be taught at the YMCA as a self-help course. But, spiritual formation and transformation are definitely not about just being a better person. It is about coming into a dynamic relationship with your creator and savior. The phrase in our scripture text, “clothe yourselves” sounds like putting on something, maybe even pretending or painting instead of staining but the word for clothe actually refers to a decisive act that leads to a settled attitude. It’s like putting on a famous team uniform, and in that act, knowing it includes everything that goes with it.

Let’s go back to our wood example. There are some paints that will cover right over things like rust, mold, mildew and smoke damage. But, if any of that was there before we painted it, it’s still there. All people including Christians know about painting over the garbage that is in us and on us. That is not God’s intention. God wants to clean us, to remove the stains we and others have put on us and to stain us through and through with his love and let his life be uniquely reflected back out of each one of us.

The choice is ours. Cover up, or clean up. Paint on what we think we should be or allow God to stain us with what we can be. Certainly we know that this is not just a one time decision. It requires day to day choices. But, there are also times when a line is drawn in the sand and a significant choice must be made. I could have become a tennis player but I chose not to. At the time, I didn’t consciously think I was choosing not to. I simply didn’t ever call my friend back. Maybe I thought I was still planning to be a tennis player, that I was just busy right now and that I would get to it another time. Maybe I thought I wasn’t choosing against change, but I was. Today may be your day to choose.

On your insert is a statement.  It says, “Today I am deciding to change, to surrender to the opportunity to follow Christ.” If that is a decision you make today or this week, sign and date it. And email me and let me know about your decision and let me encourage you. So, now you have a little bit of the “how to change” and live the life God has for you. The when and if are up to you.