Rancho Bernardo Community Presbyterian Church

“Love your enemies.” Luke 6:35

This weekend we begin the traditional 7-week journey toward the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. This year we are focusing this season, known as Lent, on the theme of Transforming Relationships. From now through Easter we will use a letter of the Apostle Paul seeking reconciliation and healing for hurt feelings and broken faith with his friends in Corinth. The letter known today as 2 Corinthians reveals some important truths about reconciliation.

As we open our Bibles to 2 Corinthians, we start this new series aware that Jesus told us to love our enemies. Who are our enemies? Let me rephrase the question. Who are the people who hurt us the most?

Here is the sad truth. The enemy who hurts us the most was once close. Often our deepest hurts come from an ex-spouse or a family member who refuses to talk with us. Some of the hardest people to love are those with whom we once were close, but now we can’t get past the angry words, alienation, and distance. Many of us have someone in our lives who has used us, taken advantage, or simply misrepresented something we said or did. Perhaps we have never confronted them, but deep inside there is significant pain. We have pulled away and intentionally tried to keep a distance in order to avoid any further pain.

Loving our enemies means we need to learn how to reconcile broken trust and heal wounded relationships.

Reaffirm Your Love

But I determined this for my own sake, that I would not come to you in sorrow again.

For if I cause you sorrow, who then makes me glad but the one whom I made sorrowful?

This is the very thing I wrote you, so that when I came, I would not have sorrow from those who ought to make me rejoice; having confidence in you all that my joy would be the joy of you all.

For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you with many tears; not so that you would be made sorrowful, but that you might know the love which I have especially for you.

2 Corinthians 2:1-4

Years ago someone passed on a book titled, Dear Pastor. It is a compilation of letters which children have written to their pastors over the years. It is obvious that some of the children are already struggling with the idea of loving their enemies. Listen to some of these letters from children ranging from age 8 to 12. "Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but he never met my sister." "Dear Pastor, Please ask God to stop all the wars. Like the one between Jimmy and Michael." "Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell him or does He read about it in the newspapers?" "Dear Pastor, Thank you for your sermon on Sunday. I will write more when my mother explains to me what you said."

As we begin this series on transforming relationships we are turning to a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote in response to their letter. They had written a “Dear Pastor” letter to him describing their hurt feelings over something he said or did. We do not know what the Corinthian church's letter to Paul said, but it is clear that Paul struggled with his letter of reply. As the evangelist who founded their church and also served as their first pastor, Paul describes his own emotions as he begins what is today known as the second letter to the Corinthian church. He describes feeling a combination of anguish, pain, distress and sorrow, and so he wrote with "many tears."

While we don't know the whole story, it is clear that the church felt he had betrayed their trust and broken faith. What had once been healthy and dynamic was now painful. Can we relate?

A friend met me for breakfast at Denny's. He spoke of his "Pentecostal divorce." When I looked confused at this expression, he explained that it came from his fundamentalist childhood. Since the old traditional Pentecostals did not believe in divorce, he saw deeply wounded marriages where the couple stayed together without any attempt at reconciliation. His was such a marriage.

He told me that he and his wife maintained separate rooms in their home. They went on separate vacations. They visited the grandchildren at separate times. He couldn't stand her smoking. She was bitter over his career decisions. There had been no intimacy in years. For the most part they simply avoided each other. In social gatherings they were civil toward each other. He smiled sadly as he commented on their children's preparation for the coming fiftieth anniversary. Their children wanted it to be a celebration for family and friends. But he wondered what his own feelings would be, given the brokenness of the marriage. Can we relate? The Apostle Paul could.

It’s been twenty years since they had any contact with their daughter. The father wrote her off years ago. However, the mother confided to me that every so often she still writes a personal check out of her own checking account to that daughter. The only way she knows their daughter is still alive is the record of the cashed check. Can we feel the pain of these kind of broken relationships? The Apostle Paul did.

While many of us have broken relationships in our families, others of us have broken relationships among our friends. I have Bill’s phone number on my desk. I keep thinking that some day I’ll call to clear the air. We were friends years ago. When I moved to California I called to tell him the news. It was a strange, uncomfortable conversation. I had the sense that he was angry and distant. Was it something I said? Had I hurt him without realizing it? He made an excuse to hang up on me. We have not talked since. No Christmas cards. No emails. Ten years have gone by and I struggle with making the phone call to seek reconciliation.

Most of us have a story of broken trust and hurt feelings in our lives. For some there may still be tenderness and pain at the wound. Others moved on assuming that time would heal the hurt. These next few weeks we are seeking an answer to the question, “How does Jesus bring healing where we have experienced broken relationships?”

As we spend this next month reviewing some of the key passages from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, it is worth pausing to wonder, did this apology letter work? Here is the answer: the early church leaders considered this such an inspired piece of writing, that they saved it for future generations to read. As followers of Jesus who seek to love our enemies we read this letter today in order to learn tools of reconciliation. Together let’s start on the journey not only toward Easter, but also toward transforming relationships.

Corrie ten Boom, as a young Christian woman, was arrested by the Nazis for assisting the Jews escaping through Holland. She survived the horrible Nazi concentration camps. After the war God gave her a ministry of reconciliation. She developed a ministry to help persecuted Nazis just as she had once assisted persecuted Jews. She recalls the time she had finished preaching at a church in Munich, Germany and spotted a former Nazi guard approaching from the back of the church. Her sermon had been on the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation if we are to walk with Jesus. Then God put her words to the test.

Immediately recognizing the guard, she vividly recalled that he was one of the cruelest guards at Ravensbruck. She saw again her sister dying as a result of the cruel Nazi treatment. As she wondered whether he recognized her, the former Nazi guard introduced himself. He explained that he had been a guard at the same camp she mentioned. He had become a Christian following the end of the war. He agreed with her that reconciliation with God was central to our faith and that it should also show up in reconciliation with each other. Saying that, he reached out his hand as he said, "Fraulein, will you forgive me?"

Corrie ten Boom recalls thinking that those who refuse to forgive and instead harbor bitterness remain invalids for life. She knew it was not only for his healing but also her own that she needed to forgive. Yet, she found it incredibly hard to practice what she knew to be the right thing. She fumbled in her purse for a moment as though she had not noticed his hand extended. He remained there with his arm extended and his hand ready for a handshake. She describes the coldness gripping her heart. Finally, she prayed, "Jesus help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling."

Is there someone in your life needing a handshake of reconciliation? Maybe you are not ready to forgive yet, but can you ask Jesus to help you at least reach out your hand?